Weird week in football: Don't have a cow, man

Every Monday, theScore will highlight the most outlandish moments from the wacky, sometimes daft, and perennially entertaining world of European football. Here’s what made us smile – or cringe – on the pitch this past week.

A week sullied by a corruption scandal gripping English football has come to an end, and among the revelations of The Telegraph’s 10-month sting was the fact that old ‘Arry Redknapp hates getting stuck with the dinner bill.

With that in mind, let’s pick up the tab for what has been a weird week in football.

To whom it may concern, I’ve been sacked

On Thursday, England players received a letter in the mail from Sam Allardyce celebrating the Three Lions’ World Cup qualifying victory over Slovakia as a new beginning for the national team.

Related: Allardyce sent out ‘our journey has begun’ postcards to England players same day he was sacked

Two days earlier, Allardyce was fired by the Football Association, meaning he’s the only England boss to boast a perfect record, and the first to pen a letter that has now become a collector’s item. Disregard the return address.

Harry Arter: International man of mystery

Bournemouth’s Harry Arter is deservedly getting praise from supporters and pundits alike for his displays, and during a recent Facebook chat with talking heads Jeff Stelling and Paul Merson, the Cherries midfielder was being mentioned as a potential England call-up.

Problem is, the London-born Arter has two caps for Ireland by virtue of his nan’s roots, and is therefore not eligible to play for the Three Lions. You’d think two pundits the profile of Stelling and Merson would know.

Moooove, get out the way

A bovine bother meant some Arsenal supporters were late for Sunday’s visit to Burnley, as a herd of cows were struck by a train heading from London to Lancashire.

Related: Train strikes cows, delays Arsenal fan’s visit to Burnley

As the old adage goes, better late than never. Just ask Laurent Koscielny, whose calamitous 93rd-minute winner was enough to bag the three points, moving the Gunners to within two points of table-topper Manchester City.

Benfica bender bests broken wall

Benfica topped Feirense 4-0 on Sunday, and among the quartet of tallies, the most notable was Alejandro Grimaldo’s extra-time free-kick. As players tussled in the area to the annoyance of the match official, ageless wonder Luisao noticed his colleagues’ efforts to disrupt the wall, taking matters into his own hands.

Clamouring for position in the Feirense wall, Luisao attracted just enough attention to gift Grimaldo room to curl one into the top corner.

Farcical French penalty

Cue the Benny Hill music.

Related: Stunning spot-kick stop highlights French 5th-tier tilt